37 Fresh Tweets From Twitter Users Who Will Never Call it X (August 19, 2023)

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  • 01
    Smile - rxmsxy @rxmsxy walking around & seeing that place you always order from on ubereats for the first time MAS 6:49 PM 8/14/23 from Earth. 482K Views . 2,030 Reposts 184 Quotes
  • 02
    Font - Ben Rosen @ben_rosen why are we keeping it a secret where i'm supposed to tap my debit card. why am i slowly sliding it around the screen like i am cracking a safe 11:27 PM 8/7/23 from Earth. 1.3M Views 2,756 Reposts 225 Quotes
  • 03
    Font - melvシ☆ @melvsolar disney stars used to sing like you could tell it rested on them whether their families got to keep a roof over their heads or not 12:36 AM 8/14/23 from Earth 2.9M Views 4,210 Reposts 222 Quotes
  • 04
    Gesture - W Lance A @Bornakang Ain't no way you ordered this and walked all the way back to your seat with this Footy Scran @FootyScran 1d Hot dog at Everton (@Everton) £6.50 2:26 PM 8/13/23 from Earth. 4.6M Views
  • 05
    Wood - woob @team vampires! @unpuppable they arrested the fucking slide 466 18624 OF BOSTON PROPERTY MANAGEMENT DEPT 4:43 PM 8/11/23 from Earth. 1.8M Views 8,535 Reposts 735 Quotes
  • 06
    Font - ceo @ceo_revenge had a pilot named Ken yesterday and he introduced himself by saying his job is plane 1:54 PM 8/7/23 from Earth 2.5M Views 11.5K Reposts 333 Quotes
  • 07
    Font - Markov @MarkovMagnifico girls should ask boys what their most played video game is on first dates there's a whole astrology to be unpacked of how boys answer this question and what it says about them oh he said valorant/fifa/hoi4/skyrim/... 5:08 PM 8/9/23 from Earth. 4.8M Views 1,261 Reposts 795 Quotes
  • 08
    Muscle - Adso Of Belk @AdsoOfBelk The Governor's Office of North Dakota has a mural of Phil Jackson that looks something out of Baathist Iraq UND DAKOTA CHICAGO BULLS KLICKS . Maverick by Phil Jackson with Charles Rosen More Thana Camel 1:02 PM 8/9/23 from Earth. 1.3M Views NEAY 1 BR
  • 09
    Facial expression - Stone Cold Jane Austen @AbbyHiggs When you're getting indicted but your lawyer won't stop beatboxing 1:32 PM 8/9/23 from Earth. 243K Views ... 1,305 Reposts 41 Quotes
  • 10
    Forehead - manny @mannyfidel in college this drunken frat bro started making clicking noises at me because I said I was east african. i said "you racist piece of shit, i bet you have no idea where i'm from" and with no hesitation he said "you're probably from eritrea" Bandobritt stan account @Tripolar_B. 2d You ever had a racist experience but it was funny tho 4:30 PM 8/8/23 from Earth. 6.1M Views
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    Font - Tom Warren @tomwarren the Baldur's Gate 3 patch notes hit different GAMEPLAY • Penises C and D no longer clip through some githyanki clothing. • Male gnome sorcerers are no longer missing their undies. 1:03 PM 8/8/23 from Earth. 2.9M Views 4,952 Reposts 315 Quotes ...
  • 12
    Font - richard @richard_normal we've all got that one homie who is taking poison damage over time who's always like "gah. oof. ugh. gah. oof. ugh. gah. oof. ugh." 5:08 PM 8/8/23 from Earth. 205K Views 1,923 Reposts 180 Quotes
  • 13
    Font - Sarah Langs @SlangsOnSports there it is чео ор W WHEELER P: 10 42 4:20 PM 8/8/23 from Earth. 353K Views 1,132 Reposts 55 Quotes
  • 14
    Font - SILLY GOOS bailey meyers @baileymeyers i know oppenheimer is old news now but i finally saw it and i just want to say i really loved when they were like "a young senator trying to make a name for himself...... kennedy ............ john f kennedy.….........” like an MCU reveal 11:41 PM 8/6/23 from Earth 477K Views . 998 Reposts 110 Quotes
  • 15
    Font - Edward Stockwell @EdwardStockwell You never see these kings advertise. Just content to be in their own space, forever waging a cold war against each other with no shifting front lines. Respect. IT'S GOOD SINCE 1898 Barg's ROOT BEER AFICIALLY LE MUC ROOT BEER NO CAFFEINE
  • 16
    Font - meg "The Meg 2" bitchell @MeganBitchell If I had a boyfriend with a podcast I would be like "ew gross I'm not listening to that, I get enough of you already!" but I would secretly be subscribed to his patreon under the alias Chandler Corn and comment stuff like "not y'all's best work this week... 99 11:34 PM 8/9/23 from Earth. 3.8M Views . 2,628 Reposts 316 Quotes ..
  • 17
    Font - ASYA @femmecamp my flight to london was underbooked so they cancelled it and are now making us leave, get our bags, check back in, go back through security, and return for a smaller plane. and by "us" i mean (not a joke) me and the professional actor peter dinklage 7:32 PM 8/10/23 from Earth. 191K Views 308 Reposts 27 Quotes
  • 18
    Font - Sss @acidicjews Once I asked a French guy at a music festival in Paris for hit of his joint and he said "No. I am, uh, selfish." mia @rasputinboneym. 19h Every single European stereotype is true bc why did I jokingly say Now you have to buy me a beer after giving a cig to a German guy and he went They are not equivalent in price 12:39 PM 8/11/23 from Earth 1.2M Views . 2,263 Reposts 138 Quotes
  • 19
    Map - greg STATES UNITED @greg16676935420 How has he not been caught? States United @SUPGVNetwork A toddler has now shot a person every week in America for two years straight. Yes, you read that correctly. pressunion.org/ 2016-toddler-n... Where toddlers are shooting people Number of times a person has been shot by a 1, 2 or 3 year old, since 2015. Includes self-inflicted injuries. WAPO.ST/WONKBLOG 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 2:36 PM 8/13/23 from Earth. 1.5M Views Source: News reports
  • 20
    Outerwear - gaut @Oxgaut engineer, social media manager, and product manager Subscribe 9:48 AM 8/13/23 from Earth. 2.2M Views . 5,939 Reposts 303 Quotes
  • 21
    Smile - snake exterminator @thedarkprowler bro said i'm gonna make indians from scratch keek @kikiscrewedup 12h Dirk's kids look like those 2050 humans BASKETBALL A nba and dallasmavs NETBAINba Original audio BASKETBI ... 9:29 PM 8/12/23 from Earth-676K Views
  • 22
    Font - Hannah K. Bradshaw @HKBradshaw Last semester a student asked me why I hadn't graded their paper. I said the paper was flagged as having ChatGPT generated content & wasn't sure how to proceed. Student said they didn't use ChatGPT; it must have been their friend who wrote the paper for them. 7:53 PM 8/11/23 from Earth 3.2M Views 1,481 Reposts 188 Quotes
  • 23
    Organism - Corn →* @upblissed this the lil fucker that killed Steve Irwin I see he out on parole smh why you should have an animal @s... 1d the cutest video you will see today 0:01 9:53 PM 8/11/23 from Earth. 1.4M Views 1,025 Reposts 11 Quotes cá
  • 24
    Tie - Lindy Man @PaulSkallas The short sleeve dress shirt Worn by the people who put a man on the moon. and then it disappeared forever Powerful garment America's Toga 1:26 PM 8/12/23 from Earth. 626K Views 709 Reposts 130 Quotes
  • 25
    Font - Marie Le Conte @youngvulgarian rarely not thinking about the tweet that said that if you were a time traveller you'd probably have to avoid going back to WW1 purely because it'd be really hard to never refer to it as "world war one" 10:24 AM 8/11/23 from Earth 515K Views . 696 Reposts 32 Quotes
  • 26
    Font - abs af @absflora Knock at the door. I open it. Neighbor kid: "I... I was trying to do a... a ding- dong... thing.." Me: "A ding dong ditch?" NK: "Yeah!" Me: "But you forgot to leave?" NK: "Yeah!" Me: "Do you want to try again?" NK: "Yeah!" 5:48 PM 8/13/23 from Earth. 1M Views . 2,472 Reposts 149 Quotes
  • 27
    Font - I'm hurt 4:57 PM I was short 5:00 PM jeaux @jeauxxxx I mean I was shot by gun 5:01 PM Already there 5:02 PM 5:02 PM What had happened I'm looking for long-term relationship . 4:13 PM 8/10/23 1.4M Views 4:58 PM ??? Oh my god go to the hospital 5:00 PM Why are you on Grindr 5:01 PM Delivered 5:02 PM
  • 28
    Font - Grip Bayless @talleyberrybaby Mexican people really ate when it came to Mexican food. Our brown brothers and sisters took the same 8 ingredients and freaked them 75 different ways and THE BITCHES LOVE IT. And the margaritas be tasting like Margarita herself came down and mixed it up??? BIDI BIDI BITCH. 12:21 PM 8/11/23 from Earth 4.8M Views . 10K Reposts 1,113 Quotes •
  • 29
    Forehead - Grip Bayless @talleyberrybaby My momma: "You seen what they said about Zillow fat shaming people?" Me: "DO YOU MEAN LIZZO???????" GIF ALT 7:29 PM 8/13/23 from Earth. 1.8M Views
  • 30
    Font - MaNdosi @ Sphile I don't hoot at learner drivers. Name cannot be blank @hackSultan 3d What's your contribution to society? 7:43 AM 8/13/23 from Earth. 487K Views . 1,792 Reposts 79 Quotes
  • 31
    Font - keyvan @still_oppressed sometimes I forget about a tweet and then I look at the replies and they're even better than the tweet itself keyvan @still_oppressed 11h Just saw Oppenheimer and Florence Pugh making Oppenheimer read Sanskrit while they're having sex was insanely funny to me 1 288 8,392 il 329K ↑ 31 she is florence pugh not her character but cillian murphy IS oppenheimer. got it, incel. 11:36 AM 8/14/23 from Earth - 749K Views . ... 404 Reposts 17 Quotes
  • 32
    Water - i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan when my gen z friends introduce me This is a 393-year old Greenland Shark that was located in the Arctic Ocean. It's been wandering the ocean since 1627. It is the oldest living vertebrate known on the planet. 1:44 PM 8/14/23 from Earth 133K Views . 324 Reposts 19 Quotes
  • 33
    Font - Me Jesse McLaren @McJesse "So we're supposed to root for Mark Zuckerberg, a longtime villain, just because he's willing to fight Elon Musk, a new villain?" Yes. This is what ten Fast and Furious movies have been preparing us for. 9:25 AM 8/14/23 from Earth. 1.2M Views . 3,787 Reposts 123 Quotes
  • 34
    Light - No Context Brits @NoContextBrits Shut up and take my money. Darren Tarbard @tarbard I made a device that checks the council website and lights up to show you what colour bin to put out. I call it the Bindicator. 9:33 AM 8/14/23 from Earth 1.5M Views 1,098 Reposts 100 Quotes
  • 35
    Font - barb n heimer @EmmaSpecter me personally on sundays i like to have something i call "fat guy dinner" which is where i sleep until early afternoon and then get enough Indian food for 2-3 people mamamoo @thelovelyMC.2d on sundays we plan out our week. journal. wash our sheets. declutter our space. buy fresh flowers. light candles. eat healthy. bring in good energy to yourself & your home. reset & recharge for a new week ahead 11:45 PM 8/13/23 from Earth 345K Views . 234 Reposts 10 Quotes .
  • 36
    Font - Brandon Bradford @BrandonLBradfor Some kids(early-mid 20s) knocked on my door to ask me to call them if they're being too loud, they are celebrating graduating. Dude has a checklist with apartment #'s and names, mine is circled and "Squats and Plants guy." Not mad at it. 12:24 AM 8/15/23 from Earth 480K Views 504 Reposts 32 Quotes .
  • 37
    Font - jorts @ftmensch mail is cool because 99% of the time it's like a J.c. penney catalogue for a previous tenant and 1% of the time it's something you'll go to jail for if you don't look at 7:02 PM 8/14/23 from Earth. 1.4M Views . 6,440 Reposts 164 Quotes

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